“Shimmy Shimmy Ya” by Ol’ Dirty Bastard from Return To The 36 Chambers (1995).
On Tuesday, January 20, 2009, the Los Angeles Times reported: “Bush left a letter to Obama in an envelope marked ‘To: #44, From: #43’ on the desk in the Oval Office. The new White House press secretary, Robert Gibbs, said in an e-mailed statement that Obama spent 10 minutes alone reading it. The contents were not revealed…”
…Until now. The following document has not been edited:
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON
1.19.2009
Dear Barrak,
Warmest regards, Mr. President!! Look at you! First black president, right? That is really cool. Honestly. Congrats, dude. I just wanted to let you in on a couple little presidential secrets. We all do this for each other – Clinton left one for me eight years ago and I left one for myself four years ago. In four years, you’ll leave one for Sarah Palin. OMG I’m kidding!! I’m LOL.
Oh, you should know this first: there are three branches of the goverment. This is the hardest part. The first one is the Judicial branch. Just the judges and stuff. Their cool. Next is Executive. Your in that one with all of your friends. You’ll have to do lots of “Constitutional bullsh*t.” (That cuss word that I sensored was supposed to be bullshit.) Last is the Legislative branch. They make laws and do money stuff. You don’t have to worry about them. They are very self-suffishent. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever met anyone from that one.
Jeez, enough business talk already! Onto the good stuff. First off, Lincoln’s Bedroom on President’s Day – usually a huge party. Don’t bring Michelle, if you know what I mean! And what I mean is there will be lots of girls who will want to do you (like sex) and if you bring your wife Michelle I think she will be mad and not approve. So it would be best not to bring her to that. (Hey, have you ever done “it” with a Republican??? That would be so LOL, too.) BRB, my shit’s blowing up…
I am no longer BRB. It was MC Johnny Co-Cain (i.e. Senator John McCain). He says “What up?” JK.
Where was I? Oh! Thirsty Thursdays! Your gonna need it after Warfare Wensdays. Me, Dick, Lindsey Graham (don’t be fooled – he’s not a girl), Crap-O, Teddy and Wiggles would head down to Skipper’s (2 for 1 PBR Night), get plastered, and usually end up half naked in the Ovel Office watching videos of cute cats on Internet (not Internets, BTW). Have you seen this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J—-aiyznGQ? One time Doddy came by and convinced us to play D&D!! I’m a Level 4 Elfling named Robert. But Robert is not my real name. That’s just pretend.
BTW, have u heard the new Animal Collective yet?????????? ;)
But for real, your gonna be awesome, bro. Everyone is super excited about it. But I’ll be honest – it ain’t an easy job. And the truth is, I made a lot of mistakes in my eight years. I didn’t always do what was popular, but I always did what I thought was right. So here is the very best advice I can give you: always do what is popular. Trust me, they know better than you. And by they, I mean everyone.
Anyway, we should get a beer (or ten!!!) sometime. Txt me if you ever make it to Texas. And don’t worry! Your gonna be fine. Hell, if I could do it, a black guy probably can too. I’m LOL again!
<3,
George W. Bush
43rd President of The United States of America
P.S. I’ve written my name somewhere in the White House. See if you can find it!
P.P.S. The economy SUCKS right now.
P.P.P.S. There’s a war, too.
P.P.P.P.S. And an energy crisis.
P.P.P.P.P.S. My real name. Not Robert The Elfling. Good luck with that.
(Barack Obama, Level 44 President.)
If you like this, try: this.
